Loss of a loved one is so final and no matter how much we may think we are prepared for it, say if a loved is unwell we don’t wish to see them suffer, or that dying is the natural order of things in our life-cycle, are we really prepared for such finality? I think not.
Recently I lost my Mum. I know I wasn’t prepared even though my Mum was very ill and I was relieved she would not have to continue with such poor quality of life; the gobsmacking reality when it came of the final loss of the connection with my parents (my Dad died some 30 years ago) was heart wrenching.
Clenching our teeth we go through the somewhat short process of farewelling them. And what then? An ocean of sadness, the finality is abrupt and total.
I wonder if the Māori concept of farewelling their lost ones may be more cathartic – a Tangi somehow seems to be a more complex and genuine celebration of the life of those they farewell. Just a thought.
If you are going through a grieving process consider having a look at some of the resources at Christchurch City Libraries which may well help you in your time of grief:
Search our catalogue: