Just can’t get enough: The Bad Sex Awards 2010

CoverI love, love, love  The Literary Review’s Bad Sex in Fiction Award.  Every year, since 1993, the English broadsheets roll out their uniquely tame  brand of innuendo and double entendre, as they attempt to get down and dirty covering  the award’s short-list and winner. Hurrah for November silly season!

This year, added interest was aroused with speculation that  Tony Blair’s mea non culpa The Journey would make it onto the  previously fiction only short-list.  The judges finally decided that while Blair’s sexual recollections were revoltingly memorable, they were not of sufficient length to merit inclusion. Ha.

The proud winner, who collected his award in person on Monday night, was Rowan Somerville with his novel The shape of her. Not content to just write icky sex scenes he managed to insult the entire English race by declaring “There is nothing more English than bad sex, so on behalf of the entire nation I would like to thank you”.  No, thank you Mr Somerville. To sample his goods read The shape of her, or try one from the shortlist:

Baaaaad sex time again!

2009 has been a year of cringingly cheesy and often physically implausible coitus, in books of course, and to celebrate the Literary Review has posted its annual shortlist for the bad sex in fiction award.  Auberon Waugh instituted the prize back in 1993 with the aim of naming, shaming and ultimately discouraging authors from excessive literary romping.  Melvin Bragg won the inaugural award with A time to dance  and Rachel Johnson last year gained the dubious distinction of being only the second female winner with her novel Shire Hell.

The bad sex award has for many authors become a bit of a badge of honour, 2009 short-listee Richard Milward said “I’ve been there before and I’ll be there again .. There’s so much bad sex in my book that this is a nice accolade…Sex is exciting stuff – it can be vey dirty and smelly, but you’ve just got to get stuck in, and I’m not afraid of doing that.” Indeed Mr “manky” Milward!

The short-list contains some unlikely names including Booker prize winner John Banville. Banville is better known for the lyrical descriptive qualities of his novels rather than louche or lurid love scenes, but he also writes noir mysteries under the name Benjamin Black so perhaps he is gearing up for a third career as a scribe of bonktastic bodice-rippers. Esteemed American novelist  Philip Roth also makes it onto the list but having read Roth’s Sabbath’s theater several years ago and still carrying the mental scars this comes as no surprise to me. The winner/fiction filth-meister is announced on November 30th, we’ll keep you posted!

The full uncensored, X-Rated short list is: