Regretting Motherhood

Cover of Regretting motherhoodHow would you answer these questions?

“If you could go back, with the knowledge and experience you have now, would you still become a mother?” 

“From your point of view, are there advantages to motherhood?”. 

The Particpants who were interviewed for the Regretting Motherhood: A Study by Orna Doanth responded with a resounding NO!  Not surprisingly most participants wanted to keep their identities private, and the author acknowledges that this sort of admission is not at all socially acceptable. Any mother can recount those times when the stress, worry and tiredness make the whole experience a waking nightmare, but to face up to major regret is, in my mind anyway, huge.

This is not a book about making life easier for mothers, it’s not about more access to childcare or the ability to have a career…

Thus even though there are conditions that can alleviate the hardships of motherhood, this does not necessarily mean that difficult conditions accompanying motherhood, or rigid social dictates determining how women must mother, can completely account for suffering or lack of satisfaction in motherhood

The women interviewed felt that they were good mothers and that their children would not be aware of their regret. They did a good job, but it gave them absolutely no satisfaction. Many felt that they were pushed into becoming mothers, it was expected, and they wished they made other choices.

This is an honest and at times confronting book.  There are a number of books that deal with the subject of not wanting children, but this is the first one that I am aware of that deals with regret after the fact. The interviewees are honest and compelling, the writing easy to read and the subject is incredibly thought provoking.

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