Naughty Knitters

Cover of Knit your own kama sutraHere’s how my Winter Word Association works: Winter; Wool; Knitting; Afghan Squares – no, wait, tried that three years ago and the dog died before he got his little blankie.

Time for a new knitting direction.

Sex Sells and it was inevitable that knitters would eventually want to sex up their hobby. And that’s where Knit Your Own Kama Sutra steps up to the crease, providing us with teeny tiny little knitted figurines that contort themselves into naughty positions. I’ll say this much for it, you’d have to be a pretty skilled knitter and be going easy on the mulled wine for these little sex fiends to avoid getting their knickers in a twist! Oh, and best of all, the author goes by the name Trixie Von Purl.

Cover of WTF KnitsIf, however, you have taken a religious vow to resist the temptations of the Kama Sutra, there’s still WTF Knits into which to delve. Author Gabrielle Grillo has been scouring the net for four years to bring you weird knitting projects to sate your jaded appetites. If you come from a family that is squeamish about rude words, bodily functions and black humour, for heaven’s sake don’t make the mistake of leaving this little beauty lying around on the cross-stitched footstool in your boudoir!

Cover of Novelty KnitsAlthough my final recommendation looks wholesome enough, there is nevertheless something covertly creepy about it. Novelty Knits has patterns for thirty-five sweaters with large motifs ranging from coiled snakes, bananas and even a boiled egg (I am not making this up). Joanna Lumley loses her grip on glamour wearing two of these sweaters. These are the sorts of sweaters you knit in the first fervour of love because no one told you they are the kiss of death to any fledgling relationship.

But let me stick one final needle in the mix here: Could it be that knitters are weirder, wilder and more perverse than needle workers? Or are there Sexy Sewers out there as well?

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